Who was I kidding....happiness will never be in my procession

Upset by my grades.....got depressed...............just tears & more tears...........
i couldn't resist it.........i would sit in front of my computer doing something while having tears streaming down my face..........couldn't stop...........

had a talk with my dad...........he pointed out................"it's your obsession with perfection"...."you need to realise that not everything can be perfect"..............."no need to be so hard on yourself, following the world not working against it"

i felt bit more relaxed inside and thought i might actually get better

but the feeling of being a failure will always be there......i refuse to talk about my grades with any1,i will give them shits if any1 asks.......

still..........overall i got abit better, started restricting..........the feeling of control is good.....makes me feel like the life is normal again

sadly i didnt lose enough weight to compensate the weight gain from binging last week........but i will eventually get back there ..i know i will

Another thing that's been happening,
i've been avoiding frd S & K. they're actually my 2 closest friends. but like i have mentioned in my past posts being with them constantly remind me of my fatty body so i've been talking to other ppl...........................................but i couldnt help it.......i wouldn't stop mentioning about weight stuff ................they must think i'm a weirdo that's obssess with weight loss...................

then i will be ignored.....no one will want to talk to me anymore.................................................

shit life..........................

i wonder how long it will take to starve myself to death