Sunday, June 21, 2009

Ana or Mia?

Ana of coz! Mia go away :/
Let myself loss for the past few days. So this week it was half ana and half mia. Regrets? yes. Hate myself losing control. Hate all these fat on my body. It makes me feel disgusted. Sometimes i have the urge to take out a knife and just cut them out.
I sound calm? Well i am now. I've done all the yelling and screaming in my head already. I'm glad to have this blog here where i can spill out all my weight issues. In real life, people will just think I'm weird to be complaining myself to be fat. Before setting this blog i got no one to talk to about all these stuff.
When i complained about my weight to my friends they will just tell me that I'm thin enough or I'm just right. 1. I don't want to be just right, i want to be skinny! 2. I'm not thin! I can still see all these fat! They never try to understand, all they do is repeat themselves trying to focus their ideas into mine.
I started ana this time last yr but i didn't do it intentionally it just kind of happened. I was trying to lose some weight so i started to control my calorie intake. At the same time i had this casual job which was getting really busy in June and July so i was working my head off as well as controlling my calories. And then slowly, my daily intake got as low as less then 200cal for nearly whole month. Result? Lost around 6 kg? and no period for 6 months. :/ During that 6 months i started to eat in normal capacity then slowly i became mia.

Sorry for that bit of boring history. But yea, tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning~!
Starve on~ [=
but i know, no one would care, no one would ever care
im ugly and fat


  1. i love when having a job makes it easier to not eat.
    and dont worry about the binges, your doing great and i know you can reach your goals.
    stay strong!

  2. Hey, i'm new to blogger & after I read your post I had to comment because thats EXACTLY what happened to me! I started out dieting to lose a few pounds, began eating less and less and got really thin, it was amazing. But soon i bcame full on bulimic and i have gained all my weight back & find it extremely hard to control my binges. Its so frustrating!! If you want to talk at all, definitly comment or email me!! Your last line has inspiried me & Im begining my new era tomorrow, no binges!