The every first thing i did this morning was salt flush. But it didn't go well. I thought i should do it again to make sure i clean all the junk that i had so that my body dont hang on to them. Everything was just like yesterday except i feel my stomach being really blowed so i kept on massaging with my palm for the whole 30min. Then all of a sudden all the salt water came right out.==; Luckily i still had my cup with me. Then the rest just followed....No idea how that happened. Felt sick for half of the day. Don't think i will be doing it again anytime soon.
I had my last exam today. YAY! Now I can start my exercise again~! Need to burn ALL THE FAT! I measured myself last night....dislike the numbers very much...and out of all, my thighs had gained most fat. I hate being a PEAR! My legs look short and chubby. The perfect legs:
On my way home i bumped into a friend and had a little chat. First it was about how she's been and then we started talking about being thin. She was telling me how she doesn't like those bony models and i was getting abit too thin when i was at my lowest weight now its just right. I didn't really talk back. I wanted to defend. I wanted to say that I want to be bony. But she wouldnt understand. She would just say, it's ugly! It's aibt sad to know how people don't appreciate your prespective of beauty.
Then there's this mind struggle i have had all day. On my way to uni, theres fast food chains, grovery stores, backery and sushi bar. Leave me alone!
"Get something to eat, you can lose weight by limiting intake no need to fast."
"You can't risk feeling dizzy during exam, eat something!"
But:
"I really want to loose all these stupid weight i've gain in the past month"
"According to info, i can lose at least 1lb everyday! Don't you want see if it really does?"
So these thoughts kept on circulating my head. sigh....
Hey there! I was reading your blog, and I just felt the Lord impress something on my heart. I don't know if you believe in God, or not, but I do know He wants you to know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and he doesn't make mistakes with his Creation. Ever. You are, in his eyes, a perfect example of his blessed work, and there is NOTHING about you that isn't good enough. He wouldn't change one pound, one freckle, anything. Please take care of yourself, okay? I know from personal experience what it feels like to put your hands on your body and feel sickened by it, and you feel the urge to run, jump, diet, whatever it takes to be beautiful and skinny. I felt that for so long. I gave myself reason to hate myself, and I didn't get anywhere. Yes, I did get skinnier, but I also went backward. I was afraid, alone, and I wanted to cry every time I ate something because it meant I was weak, and I wasn't good enough. Please believe me when I tell you that I only felt beautiful when I let go of all that, and I ate well and enough and allowed myself to take care of my body. I felt so free and so beautiful when I gave it all up to God. As I said, I know you may not believe in God, but I hope you'll free yourself from this. Just let go, and love every single piece of you, because I can guarantee the Lord does. He made every little speck of you, and he loves everything. Every hurt, every feeling of not being good enough. He wants you to be free and confident and unbound to feelings of self loathing. God bless you, always! You'll be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful.