Struggle

I had a bit of battle within myself yesterday deciding rather or not i should eat.

The water fasting has been lowing my energy level way more than i would have liked it. I couldn't even get myself out of the bed in the morning. That means i couldn't get the work out i have planned. I was really upset. So i thought maybe just go out and hang with a friend would be better than me laying around.

I couldn't find anyone else free except S. I'm not saying that she's not a good friend but sometimes she mentions too much things related to weight which I'm sensitive to. When i saw her yesterday, i could tell that she's proud of her body. She would even tell her guy friend that was with us that she doesn't have a stomach. Yes, it's a flatter than before but that would be an exaggerated statement to make.

Yesterday, i've realised something. It's something that i didn't even thought is worth thinking about. S has a habit of putting her hand over my waist. And everytime when i've lost weight or lost weight after i've gained she would say to be "you've gone thinner." but if i've gain weight she wouldn't say anything. It's not like she does it during the whole time while we out. She only does it for these few seconds to feel my waist. =\ But yea, i told her that i didn't lose any weight and it's kinda true, i've only gone back to my LW

It was freezing yesterday and i didn't wear enough. In addition to that, i haven't had anything except water and tea for the past few days so my body didn't really have the energy to heat up the body. My lips and hands literally turned purple. =\ Luckily i had lip gloss to cover the lips.

As i was saying in the beginning, i had a bit of trouble continuing my fast. It turns out that it's so much easier not to want to eat when i'm with friends. While they have their lunch/dinner i just order a good warm flower tea. I also enjoy counting the calories that they were having. =P

After that we went to see a movie. Which is a really good way to take my mind off my lack of energy. We watched "State of Play". I wouldn't say it's really good nor entertaining. But these kind of serious movies really get my mind working. You know, getting every sentence that they are saying to make sure i get the full story. By the end of the movie i was way tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. So yea, it was good, the going out helped me go through my fast~Yah=]