Sunday, August 23, 2009

"Make me an anorexic please. Warning: Please do not feed me"

This is S 's recent msn name. I got pissed off seeing it. I cried even.

S has been someone that triggers my depression by doing and saying things that relates to weight and size. My title is one of the great example.

S has higher confidence than I do. Ok, in an objective view she might have her lower self esteem side. But:
She's confident enough to flirt with most of the guys she meets and make them like her if she wants.
Sometimes she might have few bfs at the same time.
She plans out a path to the future. Like doing things to prepare for the future.

Whereas in my case, I'm an avoidant. I don't want to have much contact with other people. I feel too fat most of the time to go out. I wouldn't want to have dine out while thinking hard when would be the best time to go purge in the toilet.
My future? Die from malnutrition. Yes, that's my plan.
I would first need to stop binging. I just need a start. Once i get on the track i will be all good. Max 500cal over a long period maybe before the end of next year i should be good enough to be gone.


  1. aww i hate when people say things like that like i have this one friend who has always been bigger than me and she said one time "im so fat i need to lose weight maybe i should do what heatehr does and just not eat" i was like wtf i DO eat... :/
    or like when people just come right out and say "im going anorexic" im like chyeah no your not that will last like maybe a few hours... :/
    idk sorry for the ramble lol
    i hope things get better <33

  2. I'm sorry you feel like this. For a while I was close to being anorexic but managed to pull myself away from that and start building a better life for myself. I just stood in front of the mirror in my underwear and said to myself "This is what you look like, accept it" Eventually I did, but maybe it will take more than that for you. Tell somebody who can help you, x